Three weeks Postpartum: A Day of Doubts

Yesterday I woke up after an exhausting night of feedings every two hours and Jude deciding that 3:00 AM was a good time to be wide awake for two hours. He was still asleep, but I lay there thinking to myself, "What are you doing Katelyn? You can't blog, you don't have time to complete your NASM by December, no one cares what healthy concoction you ate for breakfast, and you are never going to be a leader in health and fitness that people are actually going to want to turn to for advice." I then tried to tell myself that other people had done it so I probably could too - but a nagging in my brain kept telling me that I was different. There was something different about me, something that would make me unsuccessful - ultimately that I was a fraud. And so that is how I started my Monday.

I kept thinking about these thoughts though, this sensation of being a fraud, and realized that it has been holding me back in nearly everything. I remember in college when I was completing my degree in Animal, Dairy, and Veterinary sciences and having that sensation that I was a fraud. Even when I was excelling on exams I knew that I hadn't come from a ranching or farming background, that I wasn't working at a vet clinic, and that all of the information I was able to regurgitate I had never used in practice. Instead of allowing myself to feel successful, intelligent, and engaged in the experience I constantly felt like I was just slipping by- barely making it. It was a confidence thing really. And I think it has continued to follow me as I have settled for job after job that is way below my knowledge level. I've never been paid for my degree because I've never felt confident in my abilities or my education.

As my Monday continued on, I knew I had to complete my NASM certification - failure just isn't my style. Neither is wasting money. But it was like I was settling. "Okay, we signed up, we'll get it done, we will do really well, and then we won't be confident enough to do anything with it - but at least we accomplished the goal." But really, that wasn't ever the goal. It was never my goal to get a college degree that I have done absolutely nothing with, and it was never my goal to go through this NASM certification so I could check one more thing off my bucket list. I WANT MY EDUCATION TO WORK FOR ME. Either one. I'm passionate about animals, health, and fitness. And so I have decided:

I'm done feeling like a fraud.
I'm done feeling like I'm not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough to get where I want to go.
I'm done doubting myself.
I'm done feeling like everyone else has this edge or mysterious skill that I don't.
And I'm done not feeling confident in myself.

Your thoughts are everything. I am a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and that what you put out into the universe is what the universe sends your way. I've witnessed myself intentionally manifest things, and I've also witnessed all of the unintentional manifestations as I think back on my past. Here is too positive thinking. Here is too putting my best foot forward. Here is to achieving whatever in the hell I want to.

Believe in yourself.

-Katelyn

*I did not check that these quotes were actually by the people quoted. The message remains the same however.

Two Weeks Postpartum

Today marks two weeks since I did the hardest thing I have ever physically done - giving birth to my first child, Jude. I love him more than I've ever loved anything. It's hard to imagine that I have kept a tiny human alive for fourteen days on my breast milk alone. The female body is absolutely amazing.

I was always terrified to bear children. It's sad to say that I was that shallow about the appearance of my body. I was afraid it would be the end of feeling good about myself. I thought it would be the turning point that I couldn't make a come back from. But you want to know what? I looked in the mirror the day after giving birth and loved every inch of myself more than I ever had. I loved that I had grown him, that I had fed him healthy food while taking care of myself, that I had carried him inside me for nine months and felt all of his sweet baby kicks. And while I'm grateful that my body has continued to recover and slowly return to it's normal self I don't think any strong mama should have to be ashamed of her post baby body. You're a warrior for bringing life into this world. 

Because I feel this way I am here to document my recovery back to my 'normal' self and maybe even achieve some things I haven't done before? I have a son to impress now and he needs a strong, motivated, and fulfilled mom to help him navigate the rough terrain of this world!


The First Two Weeks

First and foremost I must give my little public service announcement that...what you do in pregnancy does matter! Society, movies, books, etc. have portrayed it as this time that women entirely let go and turn into monsters who eat everything whenever and wherever. Believe me I indulged....sweet potato fries...pizza...whole milk steamers...but I also ate healthier than I have ever eaten in my entire life. I stuck to my healthy food classics and ate every three hours. I counted calories a couple days a week to make sure that I was eating just enough for me and my sweet child. I lifted weights until I was thirty weeks and then continued doing 45 minutes of cardio daily up until the day my water broke. I believe this was a HUGE factor for why I suffered from so few of the standard pregnancy ailments - I felt pretty great throughout my whole pregnancy. At my highest weight I gained 23 pounds but when I gave birth I think I was closer to only a 20 pound weight gain - the little really sucked it all out of me those last few weeks! So if you are currently pregnant or are planning for your next one remember that pregnancy can be a time to nurture your growing baby and your hard working body - both of which can have huge pay offs.

(If you did throw caution to the wind while being pregnant you are still an awesome mama whose body has done something absolutely amazing - start where you are now!)

I mention what I did during my pregnancy because I think it has helped my body recover so quickly from birth. I gave birth to a healthy 7 lb 10 oz boy (so I certainly did not starve myself). And as of today I have reached my pre-pregnancy weight. HOWEVER, my pants still do not fit! Body composition is everything! I was much more muscular before I got pregnant where as now I am squishy :). Muscle takes up less room than fat per pound.

Here is what I have been doing the last two weeks:

Breastfeeding. This definitely has to be what has sucked up the weight I had leftover after he came out. I feel like I can hardly eat enough food! I'm feeding a small monster. If you can breastfeed postpartum or pump to bottle feed I would highly recommend it. It helped my uterus shrink back down really quickly and is burning extra calories while I snuggle with my baby. Win and win.

Drinking 100 oz of Water a Day. This has been easy because I have been extremely thirsty (see above). Well hydrated bodies just do everything better. It's going to help your recovery, it's going to help your lose skin, and it's going to get the nutrients where they need to go in your body. Keep that hospital mug they give you and fill it up throughout the day.

Eating My Regular Diet. I resumed my regular healthy diet the hour I came home from the hospital. I could not wait to make myself a Pumpkin Spinach smoothie. I subsist on pretty much the same healthy foods on rotation. If eating healthy wasn't something you did pre-pregnancy or during pregnancy now is a great time to start. Start with breakfast every day, find what healthy foods you really enjoy and incorporate them. Everyday won't be perfect - but the more you put effort into feeding yourself nutritious foods in the right amount the quicker you are going to recover. I'm also just eating when I am hungry. I don't plan to start counting macros again until I resume weightlifting which might be another two weeks.

Walking. Obviously this is going to depend on your birth experience but my doctor cleared me to workout as soon as I felt ready too. He didn't give me a six week stipulation or anything. I took the first week off just learning how to care for Jude and getting used to breastfeeding. But this past week I started taking him out for walks in the stroller and trying to go up and down as many hills as I could find on our walks. I'm slowly trying to prepare my leg muscles to be built again. Physical activity after birth is going to look different for everyone but do what you can - even if that is just making an effort to be up on your feet for thirty minutes a day. Get your blood flowing.

Finding little 'Mom Sanities' Every Day. I've been on my own a lot since Jude's birth.  Taking care of a newborn on your own as a first-time mom is absolutely exhausting! My husbands schedule should be much better from here on out and maybe I won't feel so sorry for myself lol. But maintaining your mental health is equally as important to your recovery. It has helped immensely to be able to take a long shower and get ready for the day when my husband gets home in the morning from his Grave shift. Or driving to Starbucks in the afternoon for a coffee (the only coffee place in town with a drive through :( ). Whatever it is - do something that mentally makes you happy. I am an emotional eater so keeping myself happy is important.

I plan to post once or twice a week :).

-Katelyn

How this blog was written:

Thoughts on my Hydrostatic Body Fat Test

Hello!

 A few days ago my sister and I underwent Hydrostatic Body Fat tests at Utah State University. I was really not looking forward to it after I immersed myself in every video I could find on Youtube. Being dunked in water, repeatedly, while expelling all of the air in your lungs really just sounds like drowning. Am I wrong?


 Needless to say once I had signed up with someone else I was committed to go and went we did. Because the test and calculations were performed by graduate students it only cost me $15.00 :). I was one of the first ones so the professor did my test as an example for the students so I feel pretty confident in the accuracy of my results. The professor also checked all of the calculations and sent us an e-mail confirming that the results we received on the day of the test were correct. I waited until I had received that e-mail to write this because I was shocked by my results. But back to the test....


 Our instructions were to arrive with a bathing suit and a towel. Once there they took our height telling us to stand as tall as we could (I was 162.8 cm). We were then weighed on a digital scale in our bathing suits (54.8 kg). They give you very clear instructions about stepping down into the pool, haha I mean I'm sure it's protocol but I felt like they thought I might drown myself. I lowered myself into the water (which was very warm thankfully!) and back onto the metal chair that suspends down into the water from the scale. It was really hard for me to sit on the chair without submerging my face in the water. I was instructed to hold onto the sides of the chair to ensure that I was sitting flat bottomed on it. They then instruct you to slowly lean forward into the water while exhaling all of the air in your lungs until you are completely submerged. Once submerged you wait until they yell for you to come back up, or your drowning (which I did once haha). They made me repeat this procedure six times, I exhaled my air so forcefully on my last trial that my lip was quivering while I waited for them to tell me I could come back up. Needless to say I was very breathless by the time we were done.

USU Hydrostatic Body Fat Testing Pool

(Photo Credit:https://hper.usu.edu/htm/lab-facilities/research-labs/body-composition-lab) 

Results

WHAT?! 15% body fat.

 That's horrible. I mean that's super excellent for someone who wants to be trim, toned, and maybe fitness compete but that is terrible for overall general health. The graduate student who explained my results to me said "well...we usually look for women to be in the 20% range...but this is still healthy". I am actually very grateful that I went because it was an eye opener for the state of my body composition. Looks can be deceiving and I am apparently packing around a high amount of muscle right now. I like the way my body looks right now but this actually explains some nagging health problems I have been dealing with that could definitely be due to maintaining my body fat so low. Body fat is super important for hormones and overall health. Just like having a high percent body fat puts you at risk for certain diseases, a low body fat can bring on a whole host of health problems.

How I Plan to Move Forward

I'm going to have to increase my body fat to at least 18% to hopefully resolve some of my health issues, 20% would be ideal. Prior to this testing I had been very carefully tracking my macronutrients and calories in MFP for a very slow rate of fat loss. I was hoping to lean out.....maybe I have mental problems ha. I was also following a six days a week weight lifting/cardio program where I was spending an hour a day in the gym. 

With this new information I plan to increase my calories to maintenance and slightly increase my carbohydrate consumption. I am still going to track this in MFP to ensure that I am actually eating enough calories - which apparently I am really bad at. I also plan to cut down to only four days a week of weight lifting/cardio. 

All that being said, I am upset. Working out is my passion, my therapy, and my talent. My day doesn't feel complete until I have gone to the gym, lifted up heavy things, and listened to motivating music. But I'm going to have to figure this out - for my health.

-Katelyn

Motivating Yourself

Sometimes when I don't want to workout....or I feel like I the odds are stacked against me in accomplishing my life dreams. I go watch this on Youtube. The one thing I've learned about motivation is it's not going to be there everyday and sometimes it even leaves for weeks at a time. But it's what you do EVERYDAY that counts. You have to build a fire to accomplish your goal so large in yourself that you can keep going off of the burning embers. And I promise you that it will come back and when it does you will pat yourself on the back for making it through the dark days. Consistency is the key. -Katelyn

Saying NO to 'Adult Life'

Well here it goes.... I used to be that person who never understood how people were out of shape, never understood why they couldn't just go to the gym, never understood why they felt insecure in a gym, never understood why it was so hard to eat healthy. I mean if I had managed to do it for five years consistently it couldn't be that damn hard.

I get it now. And you know what, I refuse to let adult life conquer me. I am standing up to the way society is and I am no longer succumbing to the stresses of daily life. I will not be taken down.

Let me back up here. I have now been graduated from college for nearly a year. We are living in my father's basement to save money which has put me two hours away from the rest of my family and all of my friends. I work a stressful and exhausting job that requires twelve hour shifts and a 45 minute commute each way. I'd like to say that because of all of this 'I just don't have time anymore.' But the reality is I only work 3-4 days a week and I have a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT of time to myself. I always think about how much time I have and how much other people (like my mother!) would do with all of it. And here all I've done with my spare time is make Netflix my new BFF.

I thought that after college and with my new job I would prep all of meals, have my macronutrients on point, be able to do fasted cardio in the AM, and weight lifting in the PM. I really thought that I was finally going to be able to devote all of the time I had ever wanted to accomplishing my fitness goals. Well wasn't I naive. It's really not that I'm lazy. I have so much time that my time lacks purpose....which depresses me. And the further I have fallen out of shape the less confidence I have to even bring myself back to where I was. On top of all of this I no longer am able to control my nutrition environment. I can't only keep healthy foods in the house. I am living with someone who keeps a pantry stocked full of Oreos, Chocolate covered almonds, Sugary cereals, etc.

And so I finally understand. I understand what it is like to go to the gym and not be able to complete your planned workout because you feel insecure. I understand what it's like to have no motivation to go to the gym at all because it seems like you have so much to accomplish. I understand what it is like to live in a household full of temptations. And I understand what it feels like to be so tired and stressed after work that all you want to do is watch TV and eat. While other people looking in might say 'welcome to adult life that's just the way it is'. Or ' I knew you wouldn't be able to keep it up forever'. I'm saying no. That is NOT just 'adult life', that is NOT just the way it has to be as we all get older. I am reclaiming my passion for this and I am refusing to become the average. And in doing so I hope that I can inspire other people to say no to typical adult life. I want to feel healthy, strong, and confident. There is so much I want to do in this life and it all is going to rely on a healthy body --from babies to traveling to hiking.

And so here they are...my accountability posters. I made these before April 1st and never actually started. They are still good to use! I wrote my reason for 'why' on the bottom of mine so that whenever I pass it I can see why this is so important to me. I am blessed to have a husband who goes a long with whatever I do and supports me. He wants to be healthy ALMOST as much as I do ;).

Now I invite everyone to say NO to 'adult life'. Whether it is holding you back from health and fitness goals, holding you back from having fun, or making you think you must continue with a career that makes you unhappy. Whatever it is -- it is time to realize that life is short and you cannot let the chaos of it defeat you from being who you want to be.

- Katelyn

Day Seventeen through Twenty One

Hello Everyone :)!
Just wanted to recap the last couple days of the sugar detox for Ryan and I. The last couple of days were not the easiest, it definitely took both of us to stay diligent! We were so close and had accomplished so much that we both just wanted to have our treat meals. I do,  however, have some great recipes from the last few days that I would like to share:

Sweet Potato Pancakes from Cindy's Table.

They are NOT beautiful, but they were tasty :). They are supposed to be waffles and I think they would turn out more attractive that way but we do not own a waffle maker. We did not add the maple syrup that the recipe called for. These could be made savory or sweet by switching up the spices. Next time I make them I think I will do them savory, and  make a creme sauce with peas to go over them.

Sausage and Sweet Potato Breakfast Casserole from  Plaid and Paleo

I loved this, and it was extremely filling. As most people know, I do not eat pork or beef. For the sausage I used chicken sausages with very few ingredients that we buy at Sam's Club and I sliced them into small pieces. For the power greens I used kale. This is definitely a meal for the men in your life: potato's, eggs, sausage? What guy wouldn't love this? They don't have to know it's healthy ;).

Hot & Sweet Ginger-Garlic Chicken with Roasted Cauliflower Soup from the 21-Day Sugar Detox Book

For the cauliflower soup we used our homemade bone broth from the thanksgiving turkey carcass. It seriously adds so much flavor to do it this way. I am hoping to get our hands on some fresh chicken frames this spring to make more bone broth out of. It is time consuming to make, but I really think it is worth it.

SALADS, SALADS, SALADS :)

We ate so many salads the last few days, simply because they are cheap and we didn't want to cook. At Sam's Club you can get a giant container of organic mixed greens for roughly $3.69. The container is packed with greens and lasts us a long time. We always have one of these around along with some of our favorite salad toppings which include: frozen peas, pickled beets, pumpkin seeds, chopped carrots, and boiled eggs.

On the detox you pretty much have to make your own salad dressings to avoid added sugar, but off of the detox we love Brianna's salad dressings and Private Selection salad dressings from Smith's. I particularly have a guilty pleasure for Brianna's poppy seed dressing :).

Coming Off of the Detox

We broke the detox on Day 21 because we were attending a farewell talk and dinner for Ryan's cousin. The dinner was a pot luck and we took a chocolate tres leches cake which was the best thing ever! The author of the book highly recommends only adding back in one off detox food per day as you come off of it. Boy, do I wish we would have taken that advice! The pot luck contained pretty much NO approved foods and I enjoyed every freaking bite of it.....until holy grail of bad digestion. We came home, Ryan complained he was bloated and I had the worst heartburn of my life which is something I rarely have. It definitely was motivation to get back on plan today. I have eaten really healthy today, adding back in oatmeal and honey, and I feel great. Definitely planning on staying away from breads and processed sugar.

I hope these posts have encouraged you to try the detox, or even just improve your eating habits. The food you consume is so important in determining how you feel. Start with small steps!

Best Wishes!!

Day Fourteen, Fifteen, & Sixteen: We heart Crepes

DAYS FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, & SIXTEEN

Hi. So we haven't been doing very good, I mean we haven't consumed any of our NO foods but we also haven't been meal planning and eating a lot of nutrients. I still feel good, but I don't feel as good as I did when I was eating such a wide array of fresh foods every day. Perhaps the key isn't to just get sugar out of your life, but to eat more vegetables, protein, etc. Ryan made a meal plan today though and we went shopping for it so hopefully we will be back on board  this week! This diet is really just starting to become a part of my life and I am excited to continue on this way. I'm even more excited that we figured out together what kind of a lifestyle (food wise) we want to live and that we can pass that on to our future (distant future;)!) children.

The detox has also improved my self control. It really is true when people say that self control is like a muscle, if you don't use it you lose it. And the more often you use it the stronger it gets. Not only am I better able to resist foods that are unhealthy for my body, but I have more motivation to force myself to go to the gym on days I don't want to. 

When Ryan and I tell people what we are doing a lot of people say we are crazy. They ask us "what can you eat?", or say "that sounds miserable." First of all we have SO MUCH FOOD to eat it's insane. I have been introduced to a whole new flavor palette and combinations I would never have imagined. And secondly it's not miserable, I promise :). If you are really struggling with breaking through a weight loss plateau, or getting control of your eating habits in general..I urge you to try it. It is amazing what real whole foods can do for your body :).

I do have a few food pictures to share and a recipe that we made tonight!

Here is a better picture of the Salsa chicken I mentioned in our previous post, all dressed up as a delicious salad:

YUM.

Tonight's dinner was Grain-free Crepes from againstallgrain.com

The crepe on the right we just put cheese on and this one kind of broke :(. The crepe on the left we made a coconut fruit filling for. We put coconut milk, bananas, pears, cinnamon, and ginger in a sauce pan and heated it all together. We filled our crepes with the filling and topped with kiwi's (grocery store splurge!).

This recipe uses coconut flour, which is costly.  But I justify this cost because coconut flour absorbs A LOT of liquid, meaning that recipes call for very little of it. This recipe only called for 3 Tablespoons! And I have never had to use more than 1/4 C in a recipe. It may be an expensive ingredient, but one bag lasts us a really long time! I would definitely recommend investing in some, we like Bob's Red Mill brand.

Late night snack: "Ice Cream" lol. Some creation containing coconut milk, water, ice, cocoa powder, banana, almond extract, and vanilla extract.

Having a high quality blender has really made this detox a lot easier. We love our Blendtec, the investment is worth it!

I am getting SO excited to add oatmeal back into my diet :). The simple pleasures of life ha ha.

Have an excellent, healthy week!